(Being a parody of a press conference by Northern irredentist and former Vice Chancellor of the Ahmadu Bello University (ABU), Zaria, Professor Ango Abdullahi, in Kaduna on 16th July 2013)
Gentlemen of the press,
It is my pleasure – is it, truly? – to address you today on behalf of One Nation – sorry, One North.
We have just two points to make, although one is a natural consequence of the other: If President – how I hate to prefix his name with that title – Goodluck Jonathan contests the 2015 general election, we the North will not vote for him. Also, we the North have decided NEVER to allow power slip out of our hands again.
In simple terms, the South will NEVER smell the presidential seat again. Take my word for that!
By the way, I speak for six northern groups today. They are: Northern Elders’ Forum (NEF), Arewa Consultative Forum (ACF), Northern Union (NU), Arewa Reawakening Forum (ARF), Arewa Research and Development Project (ARDP) and Code Group (CG).
Apart from the NEF and the ACF the other groups only exist on paper? Does it really matter whether these other groups exist or not? Just know that I speak for One Nation – I mean, One North.
Please don’t ask me what I mean by one North, whether it includes states like Plateau, Benue, Taraba, Kogi and Kwara where the true born Hausas have embarrassed the bastards with our Born To Rule mentality. I admit that some of our true born Hausas went beyond acceptable limits each time they went on a killing spree of the bastards, but remember that this is One North. We know how to forget our differences at the right time.
Again, don’t ask me if being in power for over three quarters of Nigeria’s independence has improved the lot of the average Northerner. Or ask why the average Northerner should be the metaphor for poverty when the roll call of the country’s poor is made. In essence, if the poor ever get to hold a national conference, the chairman will most likely be a Northerner.
Now, you irritate me when you begin to wonder why an army of Northern children assaults the sight in most parts of the North begging for survival as almajiris, in our curious sense of religiosity.
The point that needs to be made is that political power in Nigeria is ours for keeps. The mistake that resulted in our handing over power to that Ota farmer and allowing this man from the creeks will never be repeated.
We, the privileged in the North, represent our people. Have you never head of Louis XIV of France when he said: L’Etat c’est moi (I am the state)? We are the North. Once those of us who are the leaders are taken care of, there is no problem. We are the North, did you hear that?
Did I hear one of you say that the late M.K.O. Abiola, a southerner, defeated North’s Bashir Tofa even in his home state Kano in 1993? Well, what happened to that affront? I ask, what happened to the June 12 victory and Abiola, even his troublesome wife, Kudirat?
Power is our birth right. Register that in your thick heads. The Presidency is the only reason we are alive. Do you think it is mere coincidence that four of our Governors are in Port Harcourt, Rivers State as we speak, to show solidarity to their colleague that who is helping us show the creek man pepper?
Did I hear you ask why we the elders and the four Governors have not shown a similar passion for resolving the Boko Haram crisis? That you have never heard of Northern Governors holding a serious meeting about ending the insurgency that has led to the declaration of emergency rule in three Northern states?
Do the Boko Haram killings matter? We will resolve that problem once power returns to us, permanently, don’t worry.
“Just note: There is no consideration of morality in politics. The North insists that the Presidency must come to us. We have the voting power to make sure that power comes back to the North.
Did someone just say that we want power only because of the oil resources of the Niger Delta and that we are not contributing anything to the national purse? So what?
“All of us here are members of the ACF, and if you look at other parts of the country that are making noise, they are small enclaves, perhaps, may not be bigger than Kaduna State. Did you hear that? In fact the entire South South is just about the size of Kaduna State.
“I want to make it absolutely clear to you that ACF and all these other groups that have emerged in the recent past, we are all talking about the same thing. We are committed to northern interest, there is no question about it.
As you can see, the interests of opposition parties in the South and of our Governors and national legislators have become one. It is very easy for us to work with the opposition parties in the south since all their permutations and choices of candidates give the presidential slot to Northerners, any Northerner, while their candidates for running mates are from the south.
Why do you think our PDP Governors are identifying with opposition tendencies? In Nigeria, our group interests supersede party affiliations. If you haven’t heard the succession clearly loud enough, that the North is determined and it insisted and it be insisted and firm that the leadership of the country will rotate to North in 2015, I am making that very clear to you on behalf of all of us, ACF in front because they have been the oldest group, the Middle Belt group had been very active and strong and all of us are likely to have this very firm common agenda.
“It is not that the North is hungry and power-blind, no. How can the North be power blind when it is the geo-political bloc that is born to exercise power? How? The numerical strength is in our favour. The North can on the basis of one man, one vote keep power indefinitely in the present Nigerian state. We intend to keep it that way whether others like it or not. If it is democracy on the basis of one man one vote, the demography shows that the North can keep power for as long as it wants because it will always win elections, but on the basis of usual sacrifices that Northerners do make in the cause of the life history of this country, some of us who participated in the constitutional conferences from 1987 up to the last one, political reform conference accepted that every part of this country should feel part of the leadership. This is the basis of acceptance of rotation of power between the North and the South which was what happened in the constitution conference I attended, many of us attended. This is the basis of the rotation between the North and the South, there was no question of geo-political zones.