Your Excellency, the SGF!


By Yinka Olujimi

Your Excellency, the Secretary to the Government of the Federation! 

How sweet!

Is anyone still in doubt that we are not only in government but also in power?

One by one, the junior partners in this Next Level government will accept their lowly status and stop deluding themselves that they are any inch beyond our feet.

We are waiting, eagerly, for that one who deludes himself as national leader of our party to say anything. If we hear “peem”, he will use his mouth to fan himself, as the Yoruba would say.

Pray, does anyone have a right to share that coveted title, ‘national leader’, with the President and Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces? The day we move against that deluded man, hope no one will shout rule of law again!

Not even his boy, the Professor of tradermoni, can afford to step out of the line. Who is eating that the dog will be wagging its tail, the Yoruba people would ask again.

But I digress.

The source of my joy for the day is that heart-warming leaked letter. Yes, that letter by Babatunde Fowler, the former Chairman of the Federal Inland Revenue Service (FIRS) to Boss, the boss; I mean the Secretary to the Government of the Federation (SGF), Mr. Boss Mustapha.

It is exhilarating –  a form of catharsis, indeed! – reading that obsequious letter.

With all humility, expected of junior partners in all reformative governments like ours, the genuflecting Fowler began the letter with the two magical words: “Your Excellency”!

Of course, the letter was leaked to the press to humble him and members of his junior partner clan; and for those deceiving themselves that they are of any consequence; that they are grossly mistaken. We do not share power, and its spoils. At best, you only get the crumbs, which we can withdraw from you at any time, in the very manner that we have just treated that Fowler.

Sure, members of the supporters club must recognize that they do not have equal rights with the main players. That is one supreme lesson that Fowler, in spite of his sterling and intimidating resume, has learnt. He must bow and tremble, eat the humble pie, before the owners of the land. And he did.

There is a silver lining in the cloud, though. Although the seat he so slavishly pleaded not to be yanked off from has been given to our representative of the senior partners’ club, Fowler should not to lose spirit that his borrowed time in that office will be subjected to a probe.

Since he has shown himself to be a good and loyal member of that junior partners’ club, Boss the boss will also get him some crumbs in the future, provided he continues to be a good boy.

Yeah, going by the manner he humbled himself in that letter, Boss the boss will ensure that officials of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) will not look his way, for any reason.

No EFCC official born of a woman will trouble him. Nor any official of the Independent Corrupt Practices and Other Related Offences Commission (ICPC). Of course, the Nigeria Police know how not to ruffle the feathers of our friends, except on our cue.

So, Fowler can rest assured that he has bought himself peace of mind. Let the haters go hug transformers.

What’s in a name! Boss Mustapha was a boss before he became the boss! Even as a fresh graduate, Boss Mustapha must have riled his superiors to no end because they must have had no choice but to call him “boss”!

So, when a Fowler writes to him as SGF with the fawning, “Your Excellency”, you must know that there is nothing amiss.

It is called stooping low to conquer. What is wrong with governing on your knees? Government office is sweet in Nigeria, there is no big deal in prostrating for one man in order to have an opportunity to continue being an Acting Big Man before millions of others!

Your Excellency!!!

How so sweet!

One had thought that such fawning reverence in Nigeria was for only the President, in some cases the Vice President, Governors, and in some cases Deputy Governors. How wrong we were!

Thanks to the Fowlers of this world, we now have a beautiful addition to lingo-Nigeriana: “Your Excellency”, the President’s secretary, the SGF!

Once you know that you are dealing with the owners of the country and that the crumbs given to you were gratuitous, you will have no difficulty wiping backsides as Fowler did.

Unfortunately, Boss the boss wasn’t moved by Fowler’s plea to be given a second term to lead the agency, even in a supine position.

But, hey, why did Fowler address that letter to “His Excellency, the SGF” and not “His Excellency, the President”? Does it mean that those close to the vortex of power – one of whom Fowler as former FIRS boss was, before his ouster – are aware that power flows from the recipient’s office and not necessarily that of the one elected by Nigerians?

In simpler words, could it be true as once alleged by that “Suicide Bomber from Yola,” the wife of the President Aisha Buhari, that Nigeria is in the vice grip of some unnamed two or three persons?

Relatedly, should we be bothered that that opposition newspaper, the Punch, says it will henceforth refer to our dear Baba as “Major General”, not “President” any longer, and our “government” as “regime”?

Who cares!

We have a divine mandate to reorganize Nigeria in our image; no one or law can stand in our way. If you try it, we crush you mind, body and spirit.

Wole Soyinka is free to write his convoluted grammar, Femi Falana is free to grant press interviews, newspapers are permitted to call us any name. We are undaunted. By the time we are through with Nigeria, Omoyele Sowore and his cohorts who think that they can challenge our hold on the country will regret it.

Baba has told the world that he is not interested in third term, so he can afford to be reckless. The only group of Nigerians that are permitted to foul the air are those who may choose to organize press conferences, and streets protests persuading Baba to change his mind and graciously agree to life presidency.

Anybody who chooses to test our will, as Sowore was trying to do, will be crushed. Rule of law, my foot!

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